Grief, like death, is often considered a failure in our culture. But grief, like death, is part of a natural cycle, like snowdrops giving way to roses and summer blazing into autumn leaf fall.
Grief is an expression of love, of what we hold dear and when we close the door to our grief, we separate parts of ourselves from who and what we love as our heart becomes constricted to the flow of life energy that needs to move through us uncensored. Grief metabolizes the pain of where we feel separate; from our true nature, from others, from our spiritual and creative power, from whoever we consider divinity; and in this transformative process of surrendering and allowing, an illuminated pathway is formed between the loss and pain we feel and the wholeness and freedom from unnecessary suffering we long for.
There was a time when all of our old ancestral Indigenous traditions very naturally acknowledged death, loss and impermanence as natural aspects of existence because they were in relationship with the earth for their very survival and nature’s patterns teach us this. Within this acknowledgement was the recognition that there are fundamental and universal responses to these states that are helpful for how they dynamically move through both psyche and soma. These responses were all the different forms of grief that we still see arise; however when viewed as failures, if indeed these expressions ever come to light at all, we tend to insist that they need to be encountered briefly, quietly and in restrictive isolation, hiding the shame and weakness our culture considers implicit and protecting all others from the discomfort of facing their own unexpressed sorrows.
In contemporary life what we usually respond to as a natural response to pain or challenge among young children, once we have grown past early childhood then becomes pathologized where we are always expected to have ourselves “together” and to constantly be productive, reasoned, and rendered invisible as the beautifully diverse expressions of the Earth we can be. But we are still nature, no matter how distant we might be from that reckoning, and when we understand that grieving in these days can and often needs to be a “practice”, we can approach the grief we normally resist with safety and assurance that we will be acknowledged and held within the integrity of our fullest natures. We can do this with willing others.
At a time in history when the sense of uncontrollable loss and suffering is occurring exponentially throughout the world—to people, animals, plant and other life and the very skin of the Earth herself—and there are no acceptable, ritualized ways to meet our innate grief responses to life as it comes, it is critically important to our sanity and to our very destinies that we learn how to soften and accept our beautifully evolved nature. This includes the need to grieve pain and loss in good ways, including in a caring space with others, and learn to recognize that these are powerful skills for being an intelligently adaptive, loving, humble and creative species in a world which demands our fullest and most compassionate humanity as we learn to understand and encounter the tidal currents of impermanence, loss, death and grief which unite us all.
We invite you to join us for a two-day exploration where you will enter an inspirited field that provides experienced support, guidance and love in moving with your grief, both individually and in community, with safety, stability and respect. The offering of this ritual is something I have been moved by and created with the inspiration of the spirit of the Earth and other benevolent spirits over the last 30 years of working in deep relationship within these realms as well as learning from internationally known pioneering teachers of grief tending like now departed Sobonfu Somé of the Dagara people of Burkina Faso West Africa.
This gathering is hosted by my beloved student apprentice Katie Trozzo, Artist in Residence in the City of Roanoke, who has been working with me the last 8 years. She has participated in solitary and community grief rituals I have led and hosted me in offering a grief ritual in Roanoke in 2019. Since then Katie’s evolving experience with grief tending has called her to make this offering available to more people in Roanoke. She is deeply passionate in considering how she can serve the greater well-being of her community which over the years has evolved into a community I have come to know and love as well, both through friendship and service. Hence, our mutual intention is to provide a space where community leaders, people in need, and artists of all kinds, including those whose art is the shaping of their life, can witness and move with grief, being tended and learning ways of tending others in this process. We hope this event can also serve to connect, amplify, and resource people and organizations who are tending the grief of others in our community. We invite you to consider coming to this grief ritual to be seen and held as you are and allow the healing power of grief to reveal your innate aliveness– the love that lies at the very root of your Self. Please continue reading below for more necessary details to prepare for this event.
Saturday June 1st, 10AM-7PM
Where: Unity Church of Roanoke Valley, 3300 Green Ridge Rd. Roanoke, VA 24019
As part of the work on Saturday we’ll be exploring grief in two distinct ways: one will be learning and using an earth-based ritual to address grief directly to the spirit of the Earth, which is most useful for solitary or small group grief work, especially for frequent and/or impromptu occasions. Our other primary exploration will involve likely some soul-as-artist reflection, inquiry and discussion/sharing focused on some of the following below, both as a singular community as well as in smaller break-out groups. As you read below, you will see there are many aspects to becoming more familiar and adept with the grief in our personal lives as well as in the world at large, and that within our time constraints we will not be able to encounter or fully develop all of these in one weekend. However, we will move with sensitivity in response to the specific interest needs of the group that comes together to know what explorations ask for the most attention, and whatever isn’t worked with can provide some direction as you return to the needs of your life with family and community . These possible explorations can be read lower on this page under SPONSORS
SUNDAY JUNE 2ND, 9AM-7PM
Where: Fishburn Mansion 714 13th Street, Roanoke, VA 24016
On Sunday, after we have fully arrived we’ll spend some time setting up the physical space for the communal grief ritual, go over the protocols learned on Saturday for how the grief ritual is structured and paced including personal responsibilities, and then we’ll break for refreshment while we orient to the ritual to begin. The grief altar will be open from 10:30am-5:30pm with occasional breaks. The Ancestors/Earth altar and Compassion altar will always be open. During these short respites, we can take a break, meet among ourselves, ask for support from others or give it, ask for guidance, connect with nature and rest ourselves. At the end of each of these breaks, the grief ritual will be called back into action with an invitation. At an appropriate time during mid-day we will break for lunch. The rest of the day there will always be refreshments available. The grief ritual will close at 7 pm with a circle blessing and then you may gather the things you brought before leaving.
What To Bring:
1 bagged lunch for Saturday, Saturday dinner provided; 1 bagged meal for lunch Sunday; refrigerator on-site . Refreshments including hot teas will be available at all times.
3 pieces of fabric, each approximately 2ft.x 3ft. or somewhat larger. One in colors mostly of yellow, green and/or white, one in colors mostly of blue, one in colors mostly of red. These can be taken home with you except for the red fabrics. Please notify me if you would like help with this.**
1 bouquet of flowers with water holding container; these are to be taken home with you. They can be flowers you’ve grown, from a florist or wild-picked. If wild-picked please make sure they are not toxic plants, especially something like water/poison hemlock which looks very much like Queen Anne’s Lace.
family/ancestor photos, letters, memorabilia; totemic family artifacts. Items connected to your relationship with the Earth—photos, artifacts—both the gifts and losses of it. Also bring a few items related to your issues centered around compassion and forgiveness for self and/or others: All to be taken home with you.
note-taking materials
Blanket, bolster, yoga mat etc. There will be times when you will likely be sitting or lying on the ground or a floor so bring what will help you be comfortable.
water bottle
kleenex
Offering for the land; it can be a story, a song, a poem, a dance; Something that expresses you as a gift to the spirits of the Earth and your Ancestors who will be your witnesses. If you are moved to create or bring some small object of beauty to honor the land please make sure that it is made from all natural materials with nothing that would attract wildlife to eat it while we are present on site and then take it home with you when we are finished..
** I ask you to bring these pieces of cloth that you have chosen yourself that you will be placing on the altars because your choice and participation here can give more power to the efficacy of the ritual for you. You will often be more present and invested in this way and it’s a way to begin moving within the community we will create together. However if this is something that doesn’t work for you for any reason please contact me and I will address it.
We will often be In enclosed spaces and working closely together. Please do not wear perfumes, colognes and/or essential oils for these two days.
Please keep your eyes open for any emails from me as we lead up to the grief ritual. I will sometimes send out something to consider to help orient your receptivity and senses to the days we gather.
REGISTRATION:
Cost: $250.00
Register to secure your spot by filling out this registration form and making a $50 deposit on my payments page. Full payments are due by May 18.
Let us know if your plans change so we can open the space for other people. Deposits and full payments are refundable until May 18. After May 18 deposits are non-refundable, however the remainder of any full payments can be refunded up to May 25.
Payment plans available as long as fully accounted for no later than May 18. If you register and wish to pay in installments up to May 18, please let me know on the registration form.
Full and partial scholarships available on a limited basis. Please reach out if you have need for a scholarship by emailing me at damaris@damarischrystal.com.
Please note: This offering is not suitable for people under the age of 21.
SPONSORS
This event has received funding through an Artist Action Grant from the Roanoke Arts Commission. The grant supports Katie Trozzo in hosting this event and growing her capacity as an artist and organizer supporting grief tending in community. Artist Action Grant funds for this event are going toward subsidizing ticket costs and scholarships.
This event is also sponsored in part by Roanoke Parks and Recreation, the Carilion Clinic: Center for Grief and Healing, and by Damaris Chrystal Earth/Spirit Tending Arts
Possible explorations:
what grief really is and its many languages; how to notice when it’s first arising and early and late ways of addressing it; the inevitability and the wisdom of falling apart
what is grief asking of you?
personal beliefs, cosmologies and experiences as well as cultural beliefs about death, loss and grief.
examining our beliefs about time, identity and control and exploring what comes up for us when we truly become aware of the impermanence of everyone and thing we love
exploring our personal vs transpersonal loves and losses
reflections and recognitions that “MY” grief (my rage, my hatred, my doubt, alienation, loss, fear, resentment, anxiety, pain, confusion, shame, etc.) is not solely mine but includes currents of sensation; visceral, psychic, biological, ancestral threads experienced by all humanity; that when we feel these, we are sensing through the collective as well as the personal and how this acknowledgement can help create more spaciousness and tenderness for ourselves and others
how to be with ourselves with some stability when we are in different expressions of grief
how to be with people we know when we are in different expressions of grief or they are
how to be with different expressions of grief in ourselves when around strangers and how to be around strangers who are presenting different expressions of grief
how to come together as a group to explore ways of making death and grief our allies
leaning into the sense that grief is not simply an expression of sadness over an event but is a total embodied, psychic and sensual acknowledgement of the impermanence of everyone and thing you love; that grief is a waveform stance of humility that no one can control life; that this relationship to grief not only embraces sadness but enhances a capacity for joy as well
how the earth and elements receive, ground and transmute varied aspects of grief; coming into direct relationship with earth consciousness as an elder who can hold, support and nourish
encountering the rapidly growing phenomena of ecological grief; cultivating deep listening to this voice and ways to respond without either spiritual bypassing or feeding despair
examining what grief looks like, feels like in the land; what is needed to transmute the grief in land and address how other species might be experiencing grief; owning the challenges incurred and the effects on other species from our unexpressed grief and cultivating care in response to ourselves, other beings and elemental life
what is ancestral grief; what is needed to recognize and encounter it in ourselves and turn to our lineages in an honoring and healing way; for their sake, our own, and to not pass along unresolved grief to our descendants
what kind of spirit allies might be helpful when working with grief and why this might be important.
how to create space that invites people to be able to meet their own grief and express it, and support others in doing so as well. how to establish the physical and energetic space; how to prepare yourself
what might happen in a grief ritual and how things might flow.*
how to dismantle and close a grief ritual in a good way.
