There was a time when cultures very naturally acknowledged death, loss and impermanence as natural aspects of existence. Within this acknowledgement was the recognition that there are fundamental and universal responses to these states that are helpful for how they dynamically moved through both psyche and soma. These responses were all the different forms of grief that we still see arise; however we now meet these responses as if they are failures of some sort. And when viewed as failures, if indeed these expressions ever come to light at all, we tend to insist that they need to be encountered briefly, quietly and in restrictive isolation, hiding the shame and weakness our culture considers implicit and protecting all others from the discomfort of facing their own unexpressed sorrows.
At a time in history when the sense of uncontrollable loss and suffering is occurring exponentially throughout the world—to people, animals, plant and other life and the very skin of the Earth herself—and there are no acceptable, ritualized ways to meet our innate grief responses to life as it comes, it is critically important to our sanity and to our very destinies that we learn how to soften and accept our beautifully evolved nature, which includes the need to grieve pain and loss in good ways, including in a caring space with others, and learn to recognize that these are powerful skills for being an intelligently adaptive, loving, humble and creative species in a world which demands our fullest and most compassionate humanity. This workshop is a three day exploration of possible ways to understand and encounter impermanence, loss, death and grief fully and with safety, stability and respect.
FRIDAY: 10am-8pm
As part of the work on Friday we’ll be exploring some of the following, both as a singular community as well as in smaller break-out groups. As you read below, you will see there are many aspects to becoming more familiar and adept with the grief in our personal lives as well as in the world at large, and that within our time constraints we will not be able to encounter or fully develop all of these in one weekend. However, we will move with sensitivity in response to the specific interest needs of the group that comes together to know what explorations ask for the most attention. These possible explorations are:
personal beliefs, cosmologies and experiences as well as cultural beliefs about death, loss and grief.
what grief really is and its many languages; how to notice when it’s first arising and early and late ways of addressing it; the inevitability and wisdom of falling apart
examining our beliefs about time, identity and control and exploring what comes up for us when we truly become aware of the impermanence of everyone and thing we love
exploring our personal vs transpersonal loves and losses
reflections and recognitions that “MY” grief (my rage, my hatred, my doubt, alienation, loss, fear, resentment, anxiety, pain, confusion, shame, etc.) is not solely mine but includes currents of sensation; visceral, psychic, biological, ancestral threads experienced by all humanity; that when we feel these, we are sensing through the collective as well as the personal and how this acknowledgement can help create more spaciousness and tenderness for ourselves and others
how to be with ourselves with some stability when we are in different expressions of grief
how to be with people we know when we are in different expressions of grief or they are
how to be with different expressions of grief in ourselves when around strangers and how to be around strangers who are presenting different expressions of grief
how to come together as a group to explore ways of making death and grief our allies
leaning into the sense that grief is not simply an expression of sadness over an event but is a total embodied, psychic and sensual acknowledgement of the impermanence of everyone and thing you love; that grief is a waveform stance of humility that no one can control life; that this relationship to grief not only embraces sadness but enhances a capacity for joy as well
how the earth and elements receive, ground and transmute varied aspects of grief; coming into direct relationship with earth consciousness as an elder who can hold, support and nourish
encountering the rapidly growing phenomena of ecological grief; cultivating deep listening to this voice and ways to respond without either spiritual bypassing or feeding despair
examining what grief looks like, feels like in the land; what is needed to transmute the grief in land and address how other species might be experiencing grief; owning the challenges incurred and the effects on other species from our unexpressed grief and cultivating care in response to ourselves, other beings and elemental life
what is ancestral grief; what is needed to recognize and encounter it in ourselves and turn to our lineages in an honoring and healing way; for their sake, our own, and to not pass along unresolved grief to our descendants
what kind of spirit allies might be helpful when working with grief and why this might be important.
how to create space that invites people to be able to meet their own grief and express it, and support others in doing so as well. how to establish the physical and energetic space; how to prepare yourself
what might happen in a grief ritual and how things might flow.
how to dismantle and close a grief ritual in a good way.
SATURDAY: 10am-9pm
On Saturday we’ll spend the first couple of hours setting up the physical space for the communal grief ritual and then we’ll break for lunch and to reorient ourselves. We’ll hold the communal grief ritual open for ourselves and selected invited others from 1 until 7pm and then spend the last two hours closing down the space. There will be short breaks during these six hours when the grief altar will be closed down, although the forgiveness and ancestors altars will stay open continuously. During these short breaks, workshop members can take a break, meet among themselves or with possible visitors in order to address questions and/or give support and guidance for participating in the grief ritual in satisfying ways. At the end of each of these brief breaks, I will call the grief ritual back into action with an invitation.
10am-noon: Setting up the grief ritual physical space. Workshop participants are asked to bring 3 pieces of fabric in some configuration of approximately 6 sq.ft., one each in the colors blue, green, and white though not necessarily solid. The fabrics will be used to cover the three altars; ancestors and forgiveness altars and a grief altar. Participants are also asked to bring a bouquet of flowers—wild, cultivated or mixed—and something to keep them in. These are for the altars as well. Participants are also asked to bring artifacts, photos, letters from their ancestors and family, living or dead, as well as objects that signify whatever they feel a need to forgive in someone else or to be forgiven for themselves. It can be symbolic or direct.
12noon to 1pm: break for lunch and reorient for communal grief ritual
1pm-8pm: communal grief ritual
The invited visitors will not be charged a fee to participate but may make a donation if desired.
People will be advised that those actively grieving at the altar need to be supported with touch in some way, unless that is refused. There will be places for people to go if they need to rest or be alone or with a companion(small side rooms, meadow, labyrinth).
There will be drinks and snacks available. Workshop participants will need to bring bagged meals for Friday(2) and Saturday(2). Our Sunday meeting is short so bring a snack if you need something to munch on, but we won’t be breaking for a meal..
7pm-9pm: Eating and then closing and dismantling the energetic and physical space of the grief ritual
SUNDAY: 11AM-1:30PM (Sunday’s location is Acorn Art Gallery, 3215 Brambleton Ave. SW, Roanoke 24018
People will have an opportunity to share how they were affected by this. This will include emotions and thoughts about grief that came up for them, the grief they witnessed in others, how they were affected by other people and their behaviors; the space, sounds, body sensations, temperature, time allotments, hunger/thirst, anything that may have troubled them or anything that felt supportive and good. Opportunities offered to make suggestions for what might be done differently as well as acknowledging what really mattered
We will explore ways to take this way of being into our families and communities; how do we create space for one person to feel safe to express? For a family? For a community of friends? An organization? A business?
What gifts have emerged from your grief? What are you being moved to do now?
COST
$265 ; May be made in recurring payments up to event date. Some sponsorships available. Please contact Damaris about either of these options.
$75 non-refundable fee on all payments in case of late cancellation; possibly revoked if you make me laugh…
Full payments may be made on damarischrystal.com website; Scroll to Contact and then click on Payments
All payments due by date of workshop
Cash or check payments made the beginning of the workshop occasionally available when arrangements made personally and with considerable foreknowledge.
THINGS TO BRING:
2 bagged meals for Friday; 2 bagged meals for Saturday; refrigerator on-site
3 pieces of fabric, approx. 6 sq.ft. each in colors blue, green, and white
1 bouquet of flowers with water holding container
family/ancestor photos, letters, memorabilia; totemic family artifacts. Also a few items related to issues of forgiveness for self and/or others
note-taking materials
water bottle
kleenex
Offering for the land; it can be a story, a song, a poem, a dance; Something that expresses you as a gift to the spirits of the Earth who will be your witnesses. If you are moved to create or bring some small object of beauty to give to the land please make sure that it is made from all biodegradable or inherently natural materials with nothing that would attract wildlife to eat it.
willingness to be vulnerable, transparent and accountable
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This gathering is currently not suitable for anyone under the age of 21. Please contact me at damaris@damarischrystal.com for any questions or comments. This is an unusual and very personal kind of gathering and I want each of you to feel fully welcomed, honored and to have confidence in receiving needed support before, during and after our time together. Please contact Katie Trozzo at katie.trozzo@gmail.com for any logistical questions. Thank you.
